Don't Touch Ya Face

Can't resist the siren song of touching your face? Me either, that's why I've used the power of machine learning to yell at you when you do! Click start to open the app in a new tab.


  1. Why doesn't this work?

    • After opening the app in a new tab, you must keep that tab open. This can be done by pulling the tab to create a new window and tucking it off to the side, like it's a sneaky lil' creep.

  2. It's not registering with complete godlike accuracy.

    • Yeah dog, it's free. What were you expecting? In all seriousness though, machine learning is only as good as the images you feed it, so feel free to email me a bunch of pictures of your face from different angles and pictures of you touching your face to train it better. (I promise this is less weird than it sounds)

  3. Why does it open in a new tab with a different URL.

    • Setting up websites is hard and I got frustrated and you're not paying anything, so...

  4. Are you spying on me through my webcam?

    • My dude, I can barely make a website, much less a mini NSA. While your camera is on, all of the processing is happening on your own machine, so its not even getting uploaded to a server.

  5. Why is is called Don't Touch Ya Face? It's 2020 and that feels problematic.

    • It was the URL I could afford.

  6. Seriously though, why is this free when you could be making Amazon face mask money right now?

    • Unlike some people apparently, I think that access to healthcare should be free to everyone who needs it. If having a robot yell at you whenever your grabbers get near your chompers can help prevent a pandemic, I'm more than happy to help!

  7. Is this endorsed by any kind of medical authority?

    • In case this loose tone didn't tip you off, absolutely not. While everybody keeps telling me not to touch my face, they don't say to do it with a homemade web app. For the love of God, please listen to doctors/The CDC/Goop product descriptions before me.

  8. Why is the noise so annoying?

    • So you stop touching your face.

  9. I looked up your code because you don't know how to hide it and have made my own cloned app for some reason.

    • Nobody liked you in high school, I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

  10. How many times did you touch your face testing it?

    • Too many.

  11. You sound handsome, how can I interview you for the Today Show (or equivalent or also lesser.)

    • Great, reach out to me here.

  12. From the time you've dedicated to not touching your face, I get the sense you've recently begun panic buying canned corn like a greedy dragon hoarding a pile of gold and I'd like to contribute to that effort!

  13. Wait, I thought this was all free, now you have a donation page? Have you really sold out so quickly?

    • What are you a lawyer?